


Maybe

by Drakojana



Series: Please Don't Go, I Love You So [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF, jacksepticeye - Fandom, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, M/M, angst angst angst for days, stop expecting happy things from me, suicidal!Mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2017-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-24 17:25:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10746381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drakojana/pseuds/Drakojana
Summary: "I just want Seán back," Mark's voice breaks down. Tears that threatened to spill now escape the corners of his eyes. "I miss him. So much."





	Maybe

Mark's mind is already drifting away when he hears the sound of the door opening. He lies down on the floor, facing away from the entrance. His unfocused gaze is directed somewhere at his bleeding arm, though at this point he's only seeing red. Red hands, red clothing, red floorboards.

"Oh. You've done it again."

Then the American's ears register a soft thud - something being dropped, followed by footsteps. He refuses to look, it's easier to ignore that way. But the other person approaches him and Mark hears them click their tongue and speak in a patronising tone.

"I can't even leave you alone for an hour. What was it this time? Unhappy with the food in the fridge? Or are you doing it out of boredom now?"

Both of them know it's not the case. Mark is still quiet and unmoving. How he wishes he could fool the other into thinking he's dead already. But although his chest is barely moving up and down, it still gives him away. He thinks of stopping breathing altogether, yet the person now walks around his body and crouches just in front of him. He sees the wide grin on their - _his_ face.

"Oh sweetie, you know I won't let you die."

Mark wants to scream. He wishes he could let out a deafening shriek of agony but everything gets lost in his throat. His vocal chords don't work when he wants them to. He wishes he could do something, anything not to see that face. That bright green, slightly dishevelled now hair, those wide ocean blue eyes, those pale, sun-starved cheeks. Mark used to love those features, now he wants to cry when he looks at them. His gaze unfocuses again, his vision gets all blurry from the blood loss. The American blinks a couple of times and finally passes out.

 

It has been like that for at least a couple of months now. Mark isn't sure when exactly Seán has gone missing because the creature that took over his body is really good at hiding its true nature. One day a slip of the tongue gave Anti away and when the other didn't let up, he simply admitted to being some _thing_ else. Ever since Mark has tried everything to get his boyfriend back. But the _thing_ roaming freely in his body keeps telling him that he doesn't need Seán, that he's gone and that Mark has Anti now.

Mark doesn't want that. With each passing day, he feels less happy, less energetic, less positive… The depression just keeps piling up. The sudden disappearance of his favourite Irishman takes its toll on him and without a proper explanation, he's just blaming himself. Anti is always telling him that it's not his fault, that he should stop thinking about Seán. But Mark can't simply forget. Not when he sees his boyfriend in that creature every day. They look nearly the same, and that makes his heart ache more than any of the pain he's brought himself ever since.

 

The American wakes up in his - their - bed. He lets out a low groan as he slowly opens his eyes. His vision is a bit smudged, so he looks at the white ceiling. He moves his arms and a wave of pain surges through his body. Though he feels something on them - a layer of bandages sealing his injuries. Sometimes Mark wishes Anti would just stop tending to him after each one of his suicide attempts. The displays of kindness only remind him of Seán and he can't help but despise waking up knowing he's still alive but stuck with the creature.

Mark hears a creak and feels the mattress dip beside him - without a doubt it's Anti. There's no use hiding being awake now, the other can clearly see his open eyes and most likely heard the groan earlier.

A hand reaches to caress the American's cheek. It's cold and despite the tender touch, only makes him uncomfortable. Then Anti leans in and once his face is in the other's vision, Mark shifts his gaze to look him in the eyes. The green-haired one is still smiling; ever since Seán's disappearance, it's been a constant expression on his face. The stroking stops as the hand moves, now resting a thumb on the American's lips.

"I wish you'd stopped trying to kill yourself, darling," his voice is quiet, with that everlasting layer of static to it. Like he's always speaking through a rusty microphone.

Mark doesn't say anything. He already knows it won't change anything. Anti plants a chaste kiss on his lips and straightens his back. His hands now move to the American's right arm. Without a warning they pull on the bandages, ripping them off of Mark's body. The blood that got soaked up by the fabric has already clotted, so once everything is torn apart, the wounds re-open and the one laying down lets out a pained cry.

"Does it hurt?" Anti asks mockingly. "Good. Don't try it ever again."

Without another word he starts replacing the bandages, humming an unfamiliar melody to himself. Mark turns his head around, a single tear rolling down his cheek. He knows any displays of weakness in front of the creature will only make things worse.

Anti is smarter than the other takes him for, though. He finishes patching the American up by tying the ends of the fabric tightly so it won't slide off. The next thing he does is grab Mark by the shirt and yanks him up into a sitting position.

"What are you thinking about now?"

"Seán…" Mark croaks, avoiding Anti's gaze. But the creature only catches his face and forces him to look forward.

"Why can't you be happy with me, Mark? I'm right here for you, I love you. Isn't that enough?"

"I don't want you…" the American hiccups.

"Tell me, Mark. Did you love Seán?" Anti's smile is suddenly gone.

"Of course. I still do."

"And do you love me?"

Mark grits his teeth. Is it out of irritation or fear, he can't tell.

"No."

The creature shifts his hand so it's now resting on the other's back and pulls the American towards him.

"What if I told you me and Seán are one and the same?"

"You're not…" Mark shuts his eyes. It's getting harder to look at Anti when he's making the soft expression. "You can't trick me…"

"I'm not even trying to. I never wanted to tell you the truth. I was hoping I could win you over without the drastic methods," he sounds so genuine, Mark can barely tell himself Anti is only faking it. But more or less, it's Seán's voice.

"Though seeing you lying in a pool of your own blood… Or choking on seemingly harmless pills… Or finding you somewhere freezing outside… It's getting rather annoying."

"When why won't you just get rid of me? Why are you keeping me here?" Mark feels his heart speed up its rate, his breathing becomes more erratic.

"Because when I say I love you… I mean it," Anti's hand starts rubbing the American's back in a soothing motion. "I mean every single word. I used to be just a figment in Seán's mind, a simple thought that evolved into something bigger. And as I developed, his feelings influenced me… And I fell for you just like he did."

Mark can't believe his own ears. It has to be a trick, he keeps telling himself. It's some kind of a trap. The creature continues nonetheless.

"I don't want you to die."

"I just want Seán back," Mark's voice breaks down. Tears that threatened to spill now escape the corners of his eyes. "I miss him. So much."

Anti's arms wrap around the other's torso, so their chests are now touching. He kisses Mark's cheeks and licks away the salty trails.

"You can call me by his name. I won't mind."

Being held like that, the American thinks if that could even work. If he can pretend that the person embracing him is his boyfriend. The one he loves, and who cares for him. Then Mark realises he's hugging Seán - no, Anti, back. He sobs loudly into his shoulder, letting quiet, tender whispers comfort him.

"I miss you… Please, come back…"

"I'm here, Mark. I'm right here…"

Maybe he's too weak. Or maybe he fell for a wrong person.

But if he could make himself think that the one holding him was _his_ Seán, his love, his angel…

Maybe, just maybe it could work.

**Author's Note:**

> A short idea I've got today. Quite happy with how it turned out.


End file.
